I think I'm a sensitive little snowflake of a player.

[AllanAllen]

Brent,

The thing is, I don't think I can/should say aloud to everyone at the jams, "Oh, I'm only gonna play with these guys who get me." I think that might come off as being rude/vibe-y. Anyway, who am I to say something like that out loud? I'm just a beginner.

You absolutely can try this. Just have to ask the question the right way.

“I’ve been practicing with these guys, can we go up as a group?”

This is a thing that happens at jams and it’s fine.

[rpjazzguitar]

I'm always hesitant to tell another musician to turn down. Maybe I don't need to be, since, when I do ask, they usually respond well, but that refers to regular colleagues, not people I just met at a jam.

On the other hand, I once asked a drummer I knew well to come down at a a jam in my own home and got a nasty response.

I've tried public jams a few times but the volume usually puts me off. Too loud and/or too invariant.