Anyone else experience this?

[Cunamara]

I do think the hesitation is the single worst thing. It causes bad tone and timing issues. Part of it is just about learning, but I'm quite an anxious person by nature, so I'm thinking some of just won't go away.

Bill Frisell has somehow made anxiety work for him as part of his sound.

Self-criticism is where I live as a musician, it's been my regular neighborhood for decades. It has both spurred me to improve and has held me back from improving. Everything has an upside and a downside.

[GuyBoden]

Self-criticism is where I live as a musician

It's a very densely populated area to live, I think it's where most Jazz musicians live.

[CliffR]

Bill Frisell has somehow made anxiety work for him as part of his sound.

Self-criticism is where I live as a musician, it's been my regular neighborhood for decades. It has both spurred me to improve and has held me back from improving. Everything has an upside and a downside.

Maybe I need to listen to him more closely?

[CliffR]

Hi Cliff

Interesting thread.

I think what you're feeling is probably what we all feel, whatever our level. I'm never happy with anything I've ever recorded, and I know many other - very good musicians - who say the same. It's so easy to focus on the errors, hesitations, flubs, stumbles, and ignore the good stuff.

I always enjoy listening to your playing. You always have a great tone - and that's very important and shouldn't be taken for granted (I remember hearing someone talking once about the great orators / great speakers of history and to imagine how their finest moments would have gone down had their voices been like Daffy Duck's?) There are many players who don't have great tone and, though they may be playing at a higher level, I don't enjoy listening to them. Tone is equally as important as notes, maybe more so. So don't discount that part of your playing. Likewise, there are always great melodic moments in your solos, neat turns of phrase - all very good, and pleasant to listen to.

I guess the question is, what is your goal, and who are you trying to please / impress? If it's the folks here, then that's a very tough audience. You don't have to dig very far to discover some people here can be quite disparaging about many a great (professional) player. But it all comes down to personal taste (more about which in a mo'). If you're trying to please yourself, then why not set yourself some easier goals to start with - maybe a single chorus? I know a guy who's YT channel is full (I mean thousands of videos) of short segments of solos. He's got quite a stellar reputation but we never hear an intro, a developing solo, and ending, we just hear 20 nor 30 seconds from the middle of what may have been a ten minute jam. It can't be too difficult to cherry-pick just a few seconds, post every day, and voila - everyone thinks you're wonderful. Whereas you're playing several choruses. So why not play one? Play the melody, fool around with the melody, drop in a few licks in the gaps, and then hit STOP. Once you've nailed one chorus, move onto two - maybe the first one as outlined above, and then and really give a second chorus your everything. You don't have to play extended solos at this stage. On the other hand, iIf you're trying to impress a non-jazz audience, then just the melody will be fine. If you want to hang at a jam session, then... the melody will be fine, with a few variations and some licks thrown in. I know this focus on licks doesn't go down well here, which harks back to who are you trying to please? Maybe there is someone here who's playing you love and whose admirition and respect you long for. That's fine, too. But in which case don't worry about the others.

So onto taste - what do you like? It's your solo. It's your improvisation. These aren't necessarily the same thing - and they don't have to be just because someone here says so. I mean, to join in the literary (or rather popular fiction) tangent going on here, I think Lee Child is awful. I've read many of his books and I can't put them down (luckily they're four for a pound at the charity shop) and yet I've never finished one feeling good. The endings, without exception, suck big time. The reason (in my view) is because he hasn't planned them. Now, others on this thread - and many a billion people in the general populace - love him. That doesn't make them right and me wrong. It's just taste. Planning a solo, with a few licks (any of which might be used - so it's not the same as composing a solo) or a few motifs that might be explored, repeated, twisted inside out, and with, say, a general idea of increasing tempo / intensity as the chorus progresses might be a great way to come up with a chorus or two that pleases you (others won't like it - but now I'm repeating a motif).

Derek

Thanks Derek - I always appreciate your support and thoughts.

I've not read any Lee Child. Not a fan of the genre. I did read The Da Vinci code on a plane ride once. It was definitely a page turner. There must have been some plotting, because about halfway through, out of nowhere, he mentioned that a character had a peanut allergy. There was no art to it at all.

Thanks for the compliment on the tone. I do have very nice equipment, and I try and pick quite lightly, which seems to work for me.

I'm really not sure who I'm playing for. My wife says jazz sounds like somebody dropping a set of keys down a drainpipe. I'm not sure I'll ever summon the courage to attend a jam, and most of my friends don't seem to like jazz, either. That, or they think I suck at it . So my audience is either me or, yeah, validation by internet. Which is obviously not a good thing to look for.

[CliffR]

Yeah. That happens to me a lot but maybe you are being too harsh. Even Pass and Holdsworth were hyper-critical of their playing.

FWIW, I'm happier with my latest attempt. But yes, the consensus seems to be that we all go through this. Which is comforting in its own way, I guess.