Funny Guitar Player Stories

[MarkRhodes]

Here's Joe and Chuck playing "Body And Soul". (I was much more familiar with Chuck than with Joe.)

[fasstrack]

Thanks! Nice to meet you here on the internets. I’m digging your stuff as well, nice arrangements of the Beatles tunes in your medley!. .


PK

If you mean me: Thanks, but ecchh. That was a commercial demo I made at Fat Cat for a cruise/hotel agent. I hate it, but can't delete it b/c it was posted in a friend's account. I dropped like 1/2 a beat on one song. Should be trashed. The stuff I put on the Into/chit chat page is way better, though old. But thanks...

[Boston Joe]

I guess most of my funny stories fall into the category of "you had to be there." I was in a rock band with two other guitarists, both of whom are VERY funny guys (one of them even did standup briefly). We'd have conversations that would have us rolling on the floor (and for some of them, we weren't even high), but they wouldn't make sense out of context.

There was one time we played a gig at some place we'd never played before, and one of the guys, who was also the lead vocalist, goes up to sing, and jerks his head back, yelling motherF**KER!. He goes up again, same thing. Turns out the grounding was so bad that every time he got up close to the mic, it would shock his lips. It happened a few more times, until he figured out how to get up there without getting shocked, but it was enough to give him a fat lip that lasted for a few days.

Oh, there was another guy - a friend of one of the guys in the band, who was really talented at improvising lyrics, the only problem was, he'd get rolling, and eventually what started off as a perfectly good lyric would take a sudden turn for the absurd, gross, or obscene. I can't recall too many of them, but I remember a little of one. We started off playing a good, chunky rock groove, and the guy starts singing:

I'm looking, I'm searching,
I'm hunting, I'm searching,
All the streets
All the towns (at this point I'm thinking, "OK, this isn't too bad")
All the meadows
All the fields (I'm starting to wonder where he's going with this...)
All the farms,
I'm searching, I'm searching, I'm searching,
I'm searching for JENNY THE THREE LEGGED COOOOOWWWWW!!!!

(sigh)

{cross reference to the cringeworthy lyric thread}

[fasstrack]

This isn't a guitar player story, but I think it's a riot:

In 1977 or so this young guy was one of 3 roommates including Bob Mover. They lived in a walk-up on Leroy street, Greenwich Village.

The guy was a heavy pothead, and one day decided to finally quit. He took all his weed and paraphernalia and threw them out on the fire escape. But he changed his mind and went out to the fire escape looking for his stuff. A neighbor called the cops to report a burglary in progress. When the cops arrived they found him on the escape, desperately searching. They asked what he was doing there.

'Oh, I quit smoking weed but it's OK. I changed my mind'...

[Boston Joe]

'Oh, I quit smoking weed but it's OK. I changed my mind'...

LOL. Yeah. I've heard stories like that. Guys calling 911 to complain that their dealer shorted them or something.

[fasstrack]

LOL. Yeah. I've heard stories like that. Guys calling 911 to complain that their dealer shorted them or something.

Half the time once they show up they confiscate and sell it anyway. Corrupt, greedy f$%^ers...

[wintermoon]

I seem to recall a story [maybe it was in Bill Crow's book] about Jim Hall running late for a gig and one of his bandmates pulling up to the apartment and yelling up to Jim to get moving, they were late.
Jim grabbed his guitar case and amp and ran to the door, only to find the amp was still plugged in.

as for me, once I was running late and went out to the car and put my guitar in the back seat.
got in the car, threw it in reverse and banged into something. went outside to find my Fender Vibrolux wedged under the bumper. I put the car in neutral went back out and lifted the bumper up enough to slide the amp out [adrenaline can be a good thing] only a couple minor scuffs on the amp.

I never sit my amp down behind the car anymore...

[neatomic]

that'd be a good fender ad!!

the amp i mean!

haha

cheers

[fasstrack]

I seem to recall a story [maybe it was in Bill Crow's book] about Jim Hall running late for a gig and one of his bandmates pulling up to the apartment and yelling up to Jim to get moving, they were late.
Jim grabbed his guitar case and amp and ran to the door, only to find the amp was still plugged in.

as for me, once I was running late and went out to the car and put my guitar in the back seat.
got in the car, threw it in reverse and banged into something. went outside to find my Fender Vibrolux wedged under the bumper. I put the car in neutral went back out and lifted the bumper up enough to slide the amp out [adrenaline can be a good thing] only a couple minor scuffs on the amp.

I never sit my amp down behind the car anymore...

I believe Jesse Van Ruller once ran over his guitar in exactly the same way...

[neatomic]

and then there's the left in nyc taxi cab stories

jimmy raney myth is that he left/lost his cc gibby (that he used for decades) in a nyc cab

cheers

[AlsoRan]

Here's Joe and Chuck playing "Body And Soul". (I was much more familiar with Chuck than with Joe.)

Great find!

[fasstrack]

Great find!

I used to have that.

Those 2 started out loving each other, ended up somewhere else. Started sitting together with amps on either end, ended sitting with amps together and them on either end.

Puma eventually called Wayne 'Chuckles', then 'Knuckles'.

Chuck actually told me he wanted out of the duo, but didn't know how----then 'fortunately, he had the heart attack'. He also said 'his thing is introverted'---whatever the hell that meant.

They are rumoured to have had a fight en route to a Florida gig over the earthwide important subject of whether a diminished scale is a 7 or 8 note scale. Finally one said 'OK, it's an 8 note scale. F you', and they didn't talk for several states.

Sorry those bitter lovebirds went out like that. Wouldn't be the 1st time among musos, though...

[wintermoon]

I was surprised to hear Barnes and Pizzarelli broke up.
I thought it was George's heart attack on tour that derailed that duo.

[PMB]

One of my all-time faves:

Red Norvo heard a bass player in New Jersey that he thought would fit into his trio. ''He told me his name was Red Mitchell and that he lived at the Radio City Music Hall Hotel,'' Mr. Norvo related. ''So I called the Radio City Music Hall Hotel and asked for Red Mitchell. Somebody answered the phone. 'Red?' I asked. 'Yes,' said a voice. 'This is Red Norvo,' I said. and I told him we were going to Oshkosh and Colorado and then to the Coast by Christmas. We talked a bit, and I hired him. I told him we were leaving from the Park Central Hotel.
''The guy met me and got in the car,'' Mr. Norvo continued, ''and he fell asleep. He slept all the way to Chicago. When I'd stop and get out to eat, he was still asleep. When we were getting near Chicago, I said, 'Hey, Mitchell, we're going to have to get a hotel.'
' ''Mitchell?' the guy says. 'I'm not Mitchell. My name's Red Kelly.' '' Mr. Norvo chuckled. ''I got the wrong Red,'' he said. ''He was Red Mitchell's roommate, and they both played bass.''

[PMB]

... and speaking of Bill Crow and Linc Milliman:

Linc Milliman had a strange experience while playing a gig at the Antiques Show up at the Seventh Regiment Armory with Johnny Amoroso, Steve Gaglio and Jeff Ausfahl. The armory is located on Park Avenue in the sixties, and it was a ritzy show: admission prices were steep and the antique items were for sale at high prices. Linc had just bought a new Mooradian padded case for his bass. When he looked around for a safe place to leave it while the band strolled around the show, he realized that the area behind the show booths wasn’t very tidy; the floor was covered with dirt and scraps of this and that from the mounting of the show. He asked a security guard where he might leave his case, and was directed to a coat rack the electricians had used while they were setting things up. Linc hung the case safely above the dirty floor.
But when the band returned from playing, Johnny Amoroso noticed that something was amiss. Linc’s case was lying on the floor in the dirt, zipped up. “Watch,” John told Linc, and after a moment he saw that it was moving a little. Linc was beginning to fear that a rat might have gotten into it. Then a woman’s hand appeared from inside the bottom of the case and began to fumble for the zipper handle. As the musicians watched, the hand slowly pulled the zipper open and an attractive blonde in a black sheath dress sat up and looked at them.
Linc asked, “What the hell are you doing in my bass case?”
The young woman held up a bandaged hand and said, “I cut the tip off my finger. The doctor gave me a shot of codeine, and I got drowsy and fell asleep.” She had evidently mistaken Linc’s nice new case for a sleeping bag and used it for a little nap. Linc said it smelled of her perfume for a couple of weeks afterward.

[fasstrack]

Jim S., a fine guitarist and funny guy, went to purchase a plate for his growing family. The clerk assumed he wanted a set and started to fetch one. Jim deadpanned

'That's OK. We all eat off the same plate'...

[fasstrack]

Andy Fite is funny as hell, too.

I tried but failed to find an image of the tortured expression on his face on the CD cover for The Fun I'm Having Now.

Here's a video of the song:

Another one I love is Sex with My Ex:

I met him a few years ago, and thought him a great guy. His then 19-year-old son was a hell of a comer on guitar too...

[sgcim]

... and speaking of Bill Crow and Linc Milliman:

Linc Milliman had a strange experience while playing a gig at the Antiques Show up at the Seventh Regiment Armory with Johnny Amoroso, Steve Gaglio and Jeff Ausfahl. The armory is located on Park Avenue in the sixties, and it was a ritzy show: admission prices were steep and the antique items were for sale at high prices. Linc had just bought a new Mooradian padded case for his bass. When he looked around for a safe place to leave it while the band strolled around the show, he realized that the area behind the show booths wasn’t very tidy; the floor was covered with dirt and scraps of this and that from the mounting of the show. He asked a security guard where he might leave his case, and was directed to a coat rack the electricians had used while they were setting things up. Linc hung the case safely above the dirty floor.
But when the band returned from playing, Johnny Amoroso noticed that something was amiss. Linc’s case was lying on the floor in the dirt, zipped up. “Watch,” John told Linc, and after a moment he saw that it was moving a little. Linc was beginning to fear that a rat might have gotten into it. Then a woman’s hand appeared from inside the bottom of the case and began to fumble for the zipper handle. As the musicians watched, the hand slowly pulled the zipper open and an attractive blonde in a black sheath dress sat up and looked at them.
Linc asked, “What the hell are you doing in my bass case?”
The young woman held up a bandaged hand and said, “I cut the tip off my finger. The doctor gave me a shot of codeine, and I got drowsy and fell asleep.” She had evidently mistaken Linc’s nice new case for a sleeping bag and used it for a little nap. Linc said it smelled of her perfume for a couple of weeks afterward.

That's a great story. I've worked with Johnny Amorso on a steady summer gig for the last ten years, and he's an endless supply of funny cracks. I'll have to ask him about that story.
He likes to take his fellow trumpet players for rides in his airplane, and then pretend that he's lost control of the plane, just to see their reactions!

[fasstrack]

Another Puma tale:

He was waiting with friends to get into a trendy restaurant with a long line. Maitre 'D comes out, says

'Sir, I'm afraid you'll have at least another hour wait'.

'That's OK. We'll go get a bite and come back'...

[fasstrack]

One more:

He was playing in Vegas. An earnest but dim-witted guitar player wanted to sit in.

'Hey, Joe. Can I play?'

'Are you asking my permission or opinion?'

[fasstrack]

And one about yours truly:


I went to a Zen Meditation place once. The Abbess watched me sit (minding my own business) for a while, then said---in front of everyone---

'You seem to be moving a lot. Go sit over there' (motioning to a chair away from everyone else).

Duh, lady, might that possibly be the reason I came?

After she put me in the corner with the dunce cap I came up with a tune title:

Too Nervous For Zen...

[Thumpalumpacus]

A buddy of mine from MLP once told of playing a biker bar in Riverside or San Bernadino, I forget which. After his band tears up "Born to be Wild", an HA comes up stage-side and says, "Hey, that was great, play it again". Of course he says, "No, we just got done playing it, maybe next set, I dunno." The HA pulls his vest aside to reveal the pistol stuck into his beltline and says, "I don't think you understood me. I said play it again."

I think Toady told me they played it four times in a row.

I think they should have done the 22-minutes In-a-gadda-da-vida version just to mess with the guy.

[fasstrack]

A buddy of mine from MLP once told of playing a biker bar in Riverside or San Bernadino, I forget which. After his band tears up "Born to be Wild", an HA comes up stage-side and says, "Hey, that was great, play it again". Of course he says, "No, we just got done playing it, maybe next set, I dunno." The HA pulls his vest aside to reveal the pistol stuck into his beltline and says, "I don't think you understood me. I said play it again."

I think Toady told me they played it four times in a row.

I think they should have done the 22-minutes In-a-gadda-da-vida version just to mess with the guy.

[Boston Joe]

And one about yours truly:


I went to a Zen Meditation place once. The Abbess watched me sit (minding my own business) for a while, then said---in front of everyone---

'You seem to be moving a lot. Go sit over there' (motioning to a chair away from everyone else).

Duh, lady, might that possibly be the reason I came?

After she put me in the corner with the dunce cap I came up with a tune title:

Too Nervous For Zen...

I read a book years ago, I think the title was something like "Thank You and OK". The subtitle was, "Confessions of a Zen Failure"

[fasstrack]

I read a book years ago, I think the title was something like "Thank You and OK". The subtitle was, "Confessions of a Zen Failure"