Relic Rant

[yebdox]

Okay, something I never do (rant), or at least try to avoid philosophically, but seeing Omphalo's beautiful Nachocaster for sale, made me question how I get sucked up into the whole relic thing. I didn't want to sidetrack his post, so moved my thoughts here.

Although I appreciate the talent and skill that goes into a credible relic, I have to pause and wonder, what kind of player would have ever subjected their instrument of choice to that kind of abuse?

To tally up the serious numbers of single traumatic events that would have to have taken place to account for the large numbers of dents, dings, scratches, burns and stains, as well as the rust, oxidation, grime and discoloration conjures up images of a life as a gardening tool, self defense weapon, emergency VW car jack, pry bar and soldering work table, while simultaneously serving up gristly, ham fisted, poorly and drunkenly sung blues in an after hours bar in a steel mill town where no one washes their hands or uses deodorant.

In my mind, a realistic level of relic-ing would possibly involve some finish checking (although that would indicate a low level of care of one's primary instrument) along with light tarnish, lacquer cloudiness, pick scratches, dust, a small amount of buckle rash and an occasional ding on the headstock from low ceilings or on the body from an exuberant spaniel who is reminding his dad that it's time to put the guitar down and go for a walk.

And maybe some sticky residue around the pickup route from a drunken sorority princess asking for whatever the contemporary version of Freebird would be these days. But, that is certainly not enough drama to warrant the upcharge for the fantasy inducing abuse that current relic-ing standards are reflective of.

Okay, I'm done.

[SlowJoeJones]

It is literally a study in greenness and general stupidity.

[Rob MacKillop]

No, they sound better. Honest.

[nyc chaz]

The crazy thing is the same guys who love relics will try and lowball you when you sell a guitar that isn't a relic but got dented or scratched while actually being played.I like to relic my guitars the old fashioned way by actually playing them but that's just me.

[customxke]

You either get it, or you don’t. No need to yuck someone’s yum.

[nevershouldhavesoldit]

I like to relic my guitars the old fashioned way by actually playing them but that's just me.

I just polish my guitars with oven cleaner on Brillo pads. It seems to make the highs more mellow and the lows tighter. For me, it works best on gloss sunburst and has less effect on matte or oiled naturals. YMMV.

[omphalopsychos]

Since this rant refers to a guitar I’m selling, I’ll contradict the OP’s statement about realism. Nacho’s relic patterns are all based on actual vintage telecasters he has photographed and documented. I’ll also add I think that nacho relic is very mild compared to what other companies do. I like the nacho relic for this reason. An over the top relic like the expensive heavy relic fender guitars always look bad.


I don’t believe in paying a large premium for a heavy relic. I.e. authentic vintage or a new guitar are usually preferable for me. But one thing that some relics come with (e.g. Fender Custom Shop, Gibson Murphy Lab, Nacho) is traditional finishing materials, such as light coats of nitrocellulose. A lot of modern guitars have sticky feeling necks and very thick layers of finish. My vintage guitars all feel nicer to play because of the age and materials of the finish. I don’t desire the look of a guitar that was dropped down a set of stairs or left outside in a snowstorm. But the mild relics have a wonderful feel in the hands.

[SlowJoeJones]

Instead of a gigbag I just use a trash bag…. if it mistakenly gets taken to the dump - bonus! That adds thousands to its value. I could even charge $7000 for a $500 telecaster if it had the honor of living in a dump for a few weeks!

[Bop Head]

[Bop Head]

[Bop Head]

[SlowJoeJones]

I relic’d the heck out of this one! There are so many I wish I was rich enough to endorse!

[J.C.]

These descriptions of how guitars got to looking the way they do, is hilarious! Keep'em coming.

[Bop Head]

[Bop Head]

[wintermoon]

[Bop Head]

[ccroft]

We're often asked to make cabinets and furniture look like somebody found it on the beach... or something.

It's time consuming and there's definitely an art to making it look like natural wear and tear. It adds a premium.

It's a personal taste thing. I don't like it that much but it's OK with me if others do and are willing to pay for it. Woodworkers need work!

[Bop Head]

I had riot police in full gear on stage but never had to defend myself like that LOL.

[grahambop]

Gibson have developed a quick and efficient method for doing it.

[SlowJoeJones]

We're often asked to make cabinets and furniture look like somebody found it on the beach... or something.

It's time consuming and there's definitely an art to making it look like natural wear and tear. It adds a premium.

It's a personal taste thing. I don't like it that much but it's OK with me if others do and are willing to pay for it. Woodworkers need work!

But, but, but…. They sound better!

[Bop Head]

Are there relic artist signature cars as well?

[nyc chaz]

We're often asked to make cabinets and furniture look like somebody found it on the beach... or something.

It's time consuming and there's definitely an art to making it look like natural wear and tear. It adds a premium.

It's a personal taste thing. I don't like it that much but it's OK with me if others do and are willing to pay for it. Woodworkers need work!

My cat relic's my furniture for free.I can loan him out to those interested for a small fee.

[SlowJoeJones]

My cat relic's my furniture for free.I can loan him out to those interested for a small fee.

Mine, too! And as an added bonus, I’d rather listen to the crazy sounds she makes in heat than anyone who‘d pay for anything relic’d.

[Flat]

I got it backwards. My guitars look fine enough. I'm the one who looks relic'd.