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  1. #1

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    Why did the guitar player have so many Epiphones? So he could share a ton.
    Last edited by arielcee; 08-22-2019 at 10:14 AM.

  2.  

    The Jazz Guitar Chord Dictionary
     
  3. #2

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    I don't get it.

  4. #3

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    Sheraton
    Make a jazz noise here

  5. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by arielcee View Post
    Why did the guitar player have so many Epiphones? So he could to share a ton.
    Don’t quit your day job.

  6. #5

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    I just had an Epi-phone-y!
    “Without music, life would be a mistake”--Friedrich Nietzsche

    Current lineup: Gibson ES-135 ('02), Peerless Sunset, Harmony Brilliant Cutaway ('64), Godin 5th Avenue, Alvarez AC60 A/E classical, Kay K37 ('56), Fender Squier VM Jazz bass, several ukes. Amps: Fishman Artist, Fender SCXD, Pignose 7-100.

  7. #6

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    I still have a broad way
    Make a jazz noise here

  8. #7

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    Imagine a daily life without disturbance, noise and regret...

    Humbuckers must be the best innovation ever.

    Have I found it yet? I said that but I didn’t knew it. Did I knew that I had found it yet? No, it wasn’t what I was looking for. Nevermind. Ok.

    -Pataphysical monologue based on Cartesian theory

  9. #8

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    A gentleman was traveling for business and asked the hotel clerk "What's there to do around here?" the clerk told him there was a zoo just down the road. The business man walked through the zoo only to find one cage with a dog in it. He returned and told the Clerk "I walked around that whole zoo and only thing I saw was one dog!" The clerk answered "I know it's a Shih Tzu!"

  10. #9

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    This isn't a joke but a witty phase: Nothing is as bad as something not so bad.

    So has this happened to you?; You're playing for an audience and during the break someone says 'that solo on Summertime wasn't so bad'.

    Yea, that was their nice way of saying it wasn't very good!

  11. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by jameslovestal View Post
    This isn't a joke but a witty phase: Nothing is as bad as something not so bad.

    So has this happened to you?; Your playing for an audience and during the break someone says 'that solo on Summertime wasn't so bad'.

    Yea, that was their nice way of saying it wasn't very good!
    Like when audience members come up to you and say "good job!" Or, "you're getting better!"

  12. #11

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    Or "It was great! But could you please try playing a little bit better?"

  13. #12

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    When I was young I really wanted to be a comedian but I didn't like people laughing at me. bada boom.

  14. #13

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    This thread reminds me of a recent incident involving some unsalvageable Gibsons.
    Attached Images Attached Images Joke thread-gibson-guitar-destruction-jpg 

  15. #14

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    What’s most strenuous about guitar picks?

    You have to pick one.
    Have I found it yet? I said that but I didn’t knew it. Did I knew that I had found it yet? No, it wasn’t what I was looking for. Nevermind. Ok.

    -Pataphysical monologue based on Cartesian theory

  16. #15

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    So I found myself in Chinatown.

    Ringg. Ringg.

    "Wai?," said the voice at the other end of the line.

    "Hello, may I speak with Rose Wong, please?," said I.

    "Long," said the voice.

    "Wong, Rose Wong," said I.

    "Long! Long!," said the voice.

    "Wong. I am asking to speak with Rose WONG!," said I.

    "I tell you many times, long Wong, you fucking plick!". And he hanged up.

  17. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jabberwocky View Post
    So I found myself in Chinatown.

    Ringg. Ringg.

    "Wai?," said the voice at the other end of the line.

    "Hello, may I speak with Rose Wong, please?," said I.

    "Long," said the voice.

    "Wong, Rose Wong," said I.

    "Long! Long!," said the voice.

    "Wong. I am asking to speak with Rose WONG!," said I.

    "I tell you many times, long Wong, you fucking plick!". And he hanged up.
    I don't get it ....

  18. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by 339 in june View Post
    I still have a broad way
    don't get it ....

  19. #18

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    Time travel?

    Been there, done that, invented the T-shirt.

  20. #19

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    A dude walking past a high walled looney bin hears group behind the wall chanting ...

    "Six,six,six,six,six..."

    Passing a hole in the wall the dude peeks in and gets jabbed in the eye with a stick, and while walking away hears...

    "Seven,seven,seven..."

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The same looney bin has a gate in front where a guy gets a flat, jacks up the car, removes lug nuts and while pulling the tire off tips over the hubcap containing the lug nuts spilling them into a sewer grate.

    Moaning to himself says, "Crap what am I going to do now?"

    An inmate behind the gate says... "hey ace, it's OK, just remove one lug nut from each of the other three wheels and you're off"

    The guy with flat says:

    "Hey you're pretty smart, why the heck are you in there?"

    Inmate says, "I'm crazy, not F'ing stupid"

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Finally, same institution...

    A new shrink interviews a patient asking him to identify body parts. Pointing to Elbow, patient says elbow... pointing to knee, patient says knee... then pointing to foot, patient says foot and continues with a few other body parts. Then the doc says that was very good, and asks how he knows so much anatomy...

    Patient points to his own head and says. "Kidneys"
    Regards,

    Gary

  21. #20

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    What's a hair specialists motto?

    "It is a good day to dye."

  22. #21

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    ..OK same institution for the 'mentally' etc etc

    A governor sends his usual PR people to a state asylum, for the annual inspection of the grounds . One of those taking the tour gets sidetracked and ends up in a big empty room, except for an inmate at the far end, who, with brush in hand is doing a painting. So the inspector walks over to get closer and realizes the portrait is really really good and says to the man: "This is absolutely beautiful ". " Do you do these all the time like this ? "
    And the guy says: "Oh yeah, I've been doing them like this all since I've been here. "
    And the other guy asks him: " Well, gee how long have you been here, and why on earth are you here ?"
    And the guy says : " Oh I just got I some trouble in high school, and I've been here ever since. "
    And the inspector says: " Well, maybe I can help',and explains he's with the Governor's office, and thinks he could help with his release.
    So the guys says 'That'd be great ' and the inspector says good-bye, turns to leave and starts walking back to the other end of the room, and just before he reaches the door a brick comes flying at him and hits him in the head.
    And the inspector turns around and says to the guy: " What the heck did you do that for ? "
    And the guy doing the painting says: " You won't forget now, will ya ? "

  23. #22

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    Person A: ”Have You Met Miss Jones?”

    Person B: ”So What”

    Person A: ”Take The 'A' Train”

    Person B: ”It Don’t Mean A Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)”
    Last edited by Bbmaj7#5#9; 08-27-2019 at 01:58 PM.
    Have I found it yet? I said that but I didn’t knew it. Did I knew that I had found it yet? No, it wasn’t what I was looking for. Nevermind. Ok.

    -Pataphysical monologue based on Cartesian theory

  24. #23

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    I may have got them on this forum a year or two ago, but here's what I've got:

    Q: What do you call a musician in a three piece suit?
    A: The defendant.

    Q: How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
    A: Nobody knows.

    Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light-bulb?
    A: One -- the singer holds the light-bulb, and the world revolves around him/her.

    Q: What do a tuba and a baseball have in common?
    A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

    And one from Lily Tomlin: " I worry that the person who thought up Muzak is thinking up something else."
    "Thanks, but you should have heard what I was trying to play!" - T. Monk
    http://network.online.berklee.edu/profile/1200078

  25. #24

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    These have been told, but for those who may be new...

    Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
    A: Homeless

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four

    Q: What's the difference between a dead squirrel on the side of the road, and a dead trombone player on the side of the road?
    A: The dead squirrel was on his way to a gig

    Q: Why don't people leave trombones in the back seat of their car, clearly visible to passersby, when they park their car at the mall?
    A: They're afraid that when they return they'll find their rear windows broken out and there will be three trombones in the backseat of their car.


    ,

  26. #25

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    I worry that the person who thought up Muzak is thinking up something else.

    Lily Tomlin

  27. #26

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    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.
    They're now known as The Islands.

  28. #27

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    Joke thread-skip-jpg