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  1. #151

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    Quote Originally Posted by ragman1
    There's a rather more near-the-knuckle version of that featuring the Queen of England and the Russian ambassador :-)
    I knew this joke since approx 50 years, this was one of the first I learned in school. (I mean the first joke :-)
    Before posting it, I did my research for English version, and of course found the Queen version, but I decided to remain the polite side and using the original actors of my childhood version. Besides of being polite, the joke is good in its own right, there is no need to include the Queen.

    ***

    However my research resulted an interesting story about the Queen. To be more precise about the journalists. The story is Paul Burrell tells the VERY awkward story of the time the Queen was falsely accused of farting in front of the Sultan of Bahrain, which is told as a true story.

    This sounds for me a nonsense. I could not find the date of the story, but in case it allegedly happened after 1971 what are the chances I did know the exact same joke in 1971? The hell is full of ignorant journalists.

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    The Jazz Guitar Chord Dictionary
     
  3. #152
    Quote Originally Posted by jameslovestal
    This isn't a joke but a witty phase: Nothing is as bad as something not so bad.

    So has this happened to you?; You're playing for an audience and during the break someone says 'that solo on Summertime wasn't so bad'.

    Yea, that was their nice way of saying it wasn't very good!
    Even worse when it wasn’t even Summertime you were playing.

  4. #153

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gabor
    The story is Paul Burrell tells the VERY awkward story of the time the Queen was falsely accused of farting in front of the Sultan of Bahrain, which is told as a true story.
    Absurd. That only says a great deal about Paul Burrell, Princess Diana's ex-butler who broke ranks, said things he definitely shouldn't, and found himself in trouble with the law.

    (Not that I'm a traditionalist or Royalist, etc, I just remember vaguely it from the time).

  5. #154

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    I do remember another good story about the Queen and the Sultan of Saudi Arabia. There was considerable tension due to the way the Saudis treated their women folk out there. They couldn't go out alone, needed the permission of a man and all that, and definitely couldn't drive.

    Anyway, the Queen asked him if he'd like to see the Estate. The car arrived and the Sultan parked himself importantly in the back and waited for the driver to turn up. The Queen apparently arrived alone, tweeds and headscarf, jumped into the driver's seat, and zoomed off at high speed, tearing round the lanes.

    It doesn't say what his reaction was :-)

  6. #155

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    Quote Originally Posted by ragman1
    Absurd. That only says a great deal about Paul Burrell, Princess Diana's ex-butler who broke ranks, said things he definitely shouldn't, and found himself in trouble with the law.

    (Not that I'm a traditionalist or Royalist, etc, I just remember vaguely it from the time).
    Agree, however the journalists are equally or more responsible. More I mean, it belongs to their profession to be authentic. But this is a joke thread, it would be a terrible mischief to derail it at least one single thread should be faithful to its OP. So back to Count Aristide and Princess Anastasie :-)

  7. #156

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    Quote Originally Posted by arielcee
    Difference between a Bull and funk band.

    Horns in front a$$#ole in the back.
    Also works with symphony orchestra.

  8. #157

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    Not really a joke, but one time on a wedding gig we were carrying our stuff in, and I heard a woman at a table say "Oh no, look how loud they are."

    Still cracks me up.

  9. #158

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    Quote Originally Posted by Woody Sound
    Not really a joke, but one time on a wedding gig we were carrying our stuff in, and I heard a woman at a table say "Oh no, look how loud they are."

    Still cracks me up.

    Couple of Marshall stacks?

  10. #159

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis D
    ..OK same institution for the 'mentally' etc etc

    A governor sends his usual PR people to a state asylum, for the annual inspection of the grounds . One of those taking the tour gets sidetracked and ends up in a big empty room, except for an inmate at the far end, who, with brush in hand is doing a painting. So the inspector walks over to get closer and realizes the portrait is really really good and says to the man: "This is absolutely beautiful ". " Do you do these all the time like this ? "
    And the guy says: "Oh yeah, I've been doing them like this all since I've been here. "
    And the other guy asks him: " Well, gee how long have you been here, and why on earth are you here ?"
    And the guy says : " Oh I just got I some trouble in high school, and I've been here ever since. "
    https://elly.com/pos/en/cryptocurrency-pos-system/
    And the inspector says: " Well, maybe I can help',and explains he's with the Governor's office, and thinks he could help with his release.
    So the guys says 'That'd be great ' and the inspector says good-bye, turns to leave and starts walking back to the other end of the room, and just before he reaches the door a brick comes flying at him and hits him in the head this.
    And the inspector turns around and says to the guy: " What the heck did you do that for ? "
    And the guy doing the painting says: " You won't forget now, will ya ? "

    Haha thank you I lough so hard.


    Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

    Because every play has a cast.
    Last edited by JakaBasej; 09-11-2021 at 01:54 PM.

  11. #160

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    Quote Originally Posted by Woody Sound
    Not really a joke, but one time on a wedding gig we were carrying our stuff in, and I heard a woman at a table say "Oh no, look how loud they are."

    Still cracks me up.
    The reminds me of the day I moved into my first apartment. I'd shared it with a buddy of mine. We had 2 complete stereo systems, each with 2 KLH 5's , 75W Receivers, 2 Reel-to-reel tape decks, 2 turntables, and then the records, like a lot........

    The lady who was to be living right below us was watching us move all that in on a Saturday morning and we watched her face seem to get more and more pale as the day went on.....

    Then - we finished the move-in with my 2 guitars and the amp .......

    : )

  12. #161

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    Quote Originally Posted by Woody Sound
    Not really a joke, but one time on a wedding gig we were carrying our stuff in, and I heard a woman at a table say "Oh no, look how loud they are."

    Still cracks me up.
    True story: Ruby Braff: 'That's TOO F'ING LOUD already!!' (The guys were unpacking their instruments)...

  13. #162

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    Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, gentleman scholar, poet, courtier, etc on being presented to the Queen farts loudly. runs from the Court, and spends the next seven years in Europe.

    On his return he apologized and begged forgiveness for being absent for so long.

    Elizabeth 1st

    “My Lord, I had quite forgott the Fart.”

    John Aubrey, 'Brief Lives' 1697

    you can run but you can't hide

  14. #163

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    Reported in The Times: Colin Sell, long-suffering pianist on BBC Radio 4's "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue", recalled a drummer who was always criticised for having no sense of timing: "He got so depressed, he threw himself behind a bus."