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I am posting this here because over the past few years I have received some great advice from many of the players here and I respect the diversity of views and perspectives represented here. For the past month, I have been in a serious practice funk. For many years, I have maintained a fairly disciplined daily practice schedule that combines a lot of different items to keep my chops up and to continue to develop my musicianship. However, for the past several years, and more particularly for the past month, I have been a caregiver to my 94 year old mother who suffers from dementia, a variety of personality disorders, and a serious medical condition. That experience has left me exhausted, physically and emotionally. Though I continue to maintain a practice schedule, it has been difficult. After dealing with a dementia patient even for a hour or two each day (she is thankfully in an assisted living facility), I find that both my energy and creativity are pretty well drained. I know this is a temporary situation, but it could last several more months or longer. I guess my question is how do I maintain my musical sanity and creativity during this time. Music has always energized me, but at this point its hard to maintain a serious focus. Has anyone had any comparable life experiences that interrupted the creativity that music represents and how did you deal with it? For now, I just hang in there and hope for the best, recognizing that most things in life are beyond our control - contrary to what some of us want to believe. I'd appreciate any insights.
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Hey Fred,
That is definitely a tough one, and I feel for you and your family! Cheers for being a decent human and doing the right thing.
I have not lived through that chapter (yet); I'm a psychologist by day, though, and have worked with a fair share of caregivers like yourself, so I have an inkling idea of what it's like. As you already know, taking care of you is about as important as taking care of your mom, so whatever you need to do to stay sane is critical!
You'll likely get some great practice ideas from others (and there are certainly other "I'm in a rut!" posts here to explore, too!), but my $.02 is to grab a buddy or two and play with people!! That's part socializing, part practicing, part getting out of your head, and a great way to find out what else you need to work on musically! Practicing alone has its place, but it sounds like you need to get out there a bit.
Peace,
Marc
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Play along with Parliament?
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Sometimes life tells us to take a break, because we can't tell ourselves. We all need it sometimes and it's good for us to be refreshed.
OTOH, since you did post this in the gear section, maybe subliminally you're telling yourself to pick up some new gear to spike your interest. Fun new toys to play with....
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Sorry to hear about your predicament. I'm with cg, it can be a good idea to have a little break. In difficult times I've had, if the guitar doesn't feel like a refuge, I put it down, and go to a café and the beach alone, and leave my phone in the car. Try going to your "beach", maybe? Wherever you might feel a sense of serenity. Take care and stay strong, man.
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Fred:
I too am sorry to hear about your situation. It resonates with me, for reasons better left unexplained. I always try to remind myself of something learned long ago: the musical goals/routines don't always matter that much. What does matter is just keeping connected to it, in any way possible. It's sometimes a real struggle, this focus that you mention. When it's like that, I try to sidestep the self-judgements, just relax and pick up the guitar. Noodle around; play anything at all. Open tunings and slide have always been where I go to detour around musical roadblocks. That's just me. Your musical fallback could be anything.
Guitars are friends, connections as much as they are musical tools. Sometimes the music is less important than the emotional comfort you take in maintaining that connection. Good luck. I hope things improve for you.
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I am caregiver for my 90-year-old father, he lives with me. his dementia is not too bad yet, mostly after sunset he gets crazy. I find that practicing in 30-minute segments allows me to make progress and pay enough attention to him, as well as getting up early to get some time in before he arises, and practicing once he's bedded down for the night.
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Once many years ago I was feeling the same way for different reasons, and I called Rick Stone for a lesson, because I felt like I needed some inspiration. when I got to Rick's house, he asked me why I needed a lesson, I told him, and he played a beautiful chord, and said, man, when I'm feeling the way you feel, I just play and let the music wash over me. Whatever else is going on in my life can wait. Rick was right, and I've never forgotten the joy he took in just playing.
It's easy to get into the mindset of "I need to practice this" or "I'm no good if I don't practice X hours everyday". but, music is bigger than that.
Some ideas:
- Play some music with a friend.
- Take a "lesson" with the best bass player you can find, and play duo for an hour.
- Volunteer at a nursing home or elderly care facility and play solo guitar, bring your loved one with you. everyone will love it.
- Find a tune you really, really love. Not a tune you think you should know, just something you truly love. Learn to play it.
- Go hear the best live music you can. Doesn't have to be jazz, go hear anything!
Don't beat yourself up. Everyone goes through periods of motivation and de-motivation and everything in between. it's ok not to practice for a while; music is a long game. Your chops will go up and down, your interests will go in different directions, and what seems important will change. You probably know all this stuff but sometimes it helps to hear it from another person.
My father has had significant health issues the past few years and keeping some of these things in mind has helped me, and I hope that something in here will help you, too.
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Jazz is an improvisational musical form. That means "who we are" is a big factor in how we play. Eventually our personality, our character, our experiences, all of that has a way of shaping our playing in ways that are perceptible, but not always "measurable."
The burdens you are bearing, the care and love you are giving, and the ache you are feeling.. these all play into "who you are." You are becoming a better, profounder, and wiser person. This will percolate into your whole temperament, affecting your aesthetic sensibilities and even your emotional responses to music. That will shape your playing. There is a reason why some players have technical mastery but have "no soul." Others who are less virtuosic can still play with more authenticity because somehow their life experience has moulded them to feel and play a certain way.
Caring for a demented family member will not make you play scales faster. But it might make you stop playing scales, and start playing things that resonate emotionally. Or it might make you faster, i don't know, I just know that our lives come out in our music. You're doing good stuff in your love and care... your music will be richer for it.
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I think the best approach, if you can swing it, is to practice first thing every day. An hour of morning practice is worth 2 hours of afternoon practice, and is worth 3 hours of late night practice IMO! If you can fit that morning practice into your day then you will have more free time in that 24 hour period since you simply get more done with less time.
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Fred~ First of all, God bless you for your efforts to help your Mom! Its like the rolls have been reversed. First she took care of you when you needed her. Now you are taking care of her when she needs you.
Since she is in an assisted living home, that takes some of the burden off during parts of your day. That gives you time before or after to play, practice or listen to music. Funk is my favorite music, and have played it since a kid. It lifts me more than any other music style. Hopefully it lifts your spirits as well.
1. Pick a time to "get your funk on".
2. Listen to something different as often as needed.
3. Play along once you get the material.
&
4. Have fun!
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I went through a very similar circumstance a couple years ago. It was very hard and took its tool on most aspects of my life while it was going on. Musically my answer was to dive as deeply as I was able into small details. I didn't worry about the music I made as much as the details I learned. I have more than a slightly obsessive nature and I gave that nature full reign. I found that process both distracting and comforting and I believe I came out of it as a better musician as a result.
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This is a great topic, but why is it in the "Gear" section?
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I was deeply touched by the collective compassion, kindness, wisdom, and even humor from those who responded. (I especially liked the idea of going out and buying a new musical toy!) Thank you to all. I knew when I posted this it would elicit a variety of sincere, heartfelt responses. I was not at all disappointed. And believe me, the collective response has really helped with my perspective on this experience. It is reassuring to be reminded that all of us who share the gift of music also share the joy and pain of life. And that our music is shaped by those experiences. Thank you all again for reminding me of this important lesson.
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Its not easy being a caring and compassionate person, your mother is fortunate to have you as her son.
I have been through a some-what similar experience, most every night I was physically and emotionally drained, too spent to pursue much of anything other than a book or tv. Music was a wonderful escape but it had to occur earlier in the day, while I still had something left in the tank. Regardless of enthusiasm, motivation and intentions . . . it wasn't there in the evening which is when I typically like to practice, early in the day was always more productive and enjoyable.
Good luck.
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2 ways:
1) I LEARN something NEW. Instead of doing whatever rote practice you're doing (scales, modes, chords, exercises, etc)... LEARN a NEW thing; even if you don't want to move on because you haven't mastered what you have been practicing, learn something new whether it's another scale, another set of chords, harmonics, or even a song. The key is the LEARN instead of practice.
2) write music. If you find the inspiration hitting (I did just last night, it had been awhile), go with it. Drop everything else you are working on and pour yourself into that inspiration, whether it's a new lick, new melody, or new song.
And, in your situation, #2 would actually become MY main goal, simply because I get more joy from creation that anything else. God bless you for caring for your mom like that. I have seen what that is like (my wife's family), and it is extremely difficult and stressful. She's lucky to have you as a son.
I forgot to add: someone above mentions taking a break. That can also work. Sometimes you need to just walk way and do something else (in my case, for example, I put the guitar down for a few days, maybe a week if I'm traveling), and go for hikes. Take my dog to the park every day. Do other things you have been meaning to do (catch up on your reading list, or movies, etc). Come back to the guitar rested.
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Hey Fred,
I feel ya man. My dad died two weeks ago from complications with Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinsons. He was only 76, but it was a blessing as he was suffering the past couple of years. Meanwhile, my mom goes into the hospital only a few days later. Brutal. Not happy times.
I haven't found much solace in guitar playing, but rather in flute playing. But that's just me. I think mostly because a new instrument is new and vexing and the challenge takes me into a different state of mind. I'm still playing guitar mind you, but not hitting it as hard these days.
The mentality is rough. Personally, I don't think searching for inspiration in the dark times works for everybody. But you can still get plenty of good productive musical work done as the storm is passing. Might be a good time to slog through your least favorite practice issues. The music and inspiration may not be amazing at the moment, but when the sun comes back out, you could have something to show for your efforts.
I think of music as essentially joyful, so difficult times make that joy hard to come by. However, there are also plenty of sad laments in music, and I have found that musical expression to be soothing and cathartic recently. The blues being just one example . . .
Of course shopping for gear is always a great distraction too !!!!
Best wishes 
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Hi Fred
We lost my wife's mum to dementia in September last year age 96 years and 10 months and we had cared for her at home for all but the last year of her life. Totally understand the disconnect from a normal life that comes with dementia. Every day you find solutions to problems so that you are able to continue to cope with the care of one you love. Then the day comes where there are no more solutions and it breaks you. When she went into the rest home we went to see her every day without fail and one has to experiance it all to totally understand the total turmoil and the feeling of living in a void this creates for yourself and those around you.
Music was my salvation. I'm not that good a player but that is irrelevant. It was what music did for me that counted. I found that trying to play other peoples songs wasn't working as the concentration just wasn't there so I took a different path and like others that have written before me just picked up a guitar and just started playing anything at all, not really concentrating on it just doing it . Bluegrass, country, elevator type music blues anything at all but it would all kind of drift into nothing like fog in a gentle breeze and was missing any kind of feeling or joy that should come with music. It was just something to do.
so I changed tack and just let my emotions dictate what my fingers did and before long there was a string of blues chords that sounded ok then some more that was a bit different that could be tacked onto it and after a couple of days I realised that words were starting to fit the tune so I wrote them down. My song took the form of an old man asking god to take him home because he had done all that was asked of him, All his friends he grew up with as kids were gone and he had done all that he could so he had no reason to carry on.
It was on realising that this old man was me that I took a look at things and started to sort myself out and made an effort to look at life differently and make myself do what would be called normall things that bought a form of enjoyment. Like going for a walk or visiting a friend. Things to break the routine life had become. I continued to "do my own thing" I now have about 5 songs I can call my own and have found real joy in working on them, the guitar stable grew to 10 for no other reason than it is nice to pick up something that sounds different and life is good.
Guess I'm saying dont fight it or worry about it. It is what it is. just let it take you where it wants you to go and look for the joy in it all.
Sincerely hope this makes some kind of sense and helps you to cope with things.
Best wishes God Bless
Glenn
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Grant Green, What is This Thing
Today, 01:59 PM in Ear Training, Transcribing & Reading