guitar vs your girlfriend

[Jazzophobe]

My wife is not into music, or should I say, not into anything I like. She is still cemented in 70's disco and cheezy pop music...her favorite tune is "Rock Me Gently" by Andy Kim....SHOOT ME NOW!! Not so fast though! I have thousands and thousands of dollars invested in my 29 guitars. Thousands more in my 30 (or so) keyboards/synths/modules. She has rarely bitched about my spending habits. I still contribute to the money market/401K/IRA. I rarely bitch about her gambling habits...dangerous, but not yet hopeless(as she still contributes to the money market/401K/IRA)...because of this we have a nice symbiotic relationship.

[Spirit59]

Originally Posted by paynow

When I was a kid I once told the old man I was bored. His response was "Am I wearing a tuxedo and a top hat?" When I said no, he said "That's because I'm not running a circus." And he was a musician with a great many tuxedos in constant use so you knew he wasn't fu@#ing around.

Ha! I *love* this one!

I can't wait to spring this one on some whiny PITA....

[paynow]

Originally Posted by Spirit59

Ha! I *love* this one!

I can't wait to spring this one on some whiny PITA....

Yeah, he was classic. And by PITA, I know you don't mean bread or animal activists.

[hot ford coupe]

I can tell you this and I say this only to emphasize and amplify the sentiment already put out. If she doesn't respect your preferences and continually puts them down, it won't stop with the music. Her criticism will pervade every interest you have that doesn't coincide with hers. She won't change and you won't be able to change her at any cost. I know you say you love her but love is definitely a two way street. Tread slowly and don't let the so called love cloud your vision. I know because I have been there with my first wife. My wife is not a musician and is definitely not a jazz lover BUT she supports my interests in every way possible so long as I respect our finances and don't act irresponsibly with our money. She's been planning to remodel our kitchen for a number of months but still made sure I could buy a new case for my D'A and made sure I could pay for my latest wooden Gibson aquisition, a 35 L7. My response was to help her as much as I could in the kitchen design progress and not interfere in any way with her interests. Like I said, a two way street. I don't necessarily advise you to break up at this point. I just say be very very careful in your committment. If you're miserable now and feel constantly off balance and put down, that will NOT change.

[jazzbow]

Yup, done the old 'You love that guitar more than me!' stuff way back +20 years ago, so I sez 'Take me as I am or not (shrug of shoulders).' So now she plays clarinet and we play her favourite standards which helps me jazz up pop tunes and I'm trying to teach her to solo! Oh and her brother took up sax and my son plays bass and we have a right royal time.
I must say we've been pacient with each other over the years which helped. Mr OP, take it easy and have fun, but if there's a slanging match once you start practicing or your guitar lies on the floor in pieces I'm sure you'll get the message........

[manu68]

A day has 24 Hours.
Love and Music are 2 essentials aspects of the life , and I don't see opposition between these two aspects.
There is time in day for everything.

I personnally consider guitar has a Hobby, because I just don't earn my money from it. My wife is fantastic and has a lot of comprehension for my Hobby, if I am able to "limit" myself. She lives with a husband, and not a hobby . All is a question of balance when living with a family. And just a question of personnal priorities.

From a personnal point of view, I will EVER give the priority to my wife and my son. If necessary, I will just stop playing guitar. It means that I have FIRST a real life with them, that I try to be a good husband and father, and that ONLY after that, I can play all the guitar I want for my own pleasure.
I play for sure not so much guitar as a lot of people here, maybe juste an hour a day in average, but it makes me fully happy.
I try to take the guitar as a pleasant hobby, and not as a strong drug which could make me forget all the rest.

[Jake Hanlon]

As someone that makes all of his income through the performance and teaching of Music any partner of mine has to realize that Music is and has been a huge part of my life.

I remember having a conversation with my older Brother, also a professional Musician where we seemed to be of a common mindset that those who are fully engraned in the society and culture of being a Musician that more often then not to have healthy relationships your partner will end up being an artistically minded person be that a Musician, Dancer, Actor, Writer.

I believe not that long ago a research study was done on the Human brain and Jazz musicians where they scanned the brains of jazz musicians while improvising and while in a more rested state and concluded essentially and in layman's terms that Jazz musicians just are different, they think differently and experience the world differently on some subconscious and conscious levels. Certain parts of our brains light up where someone who is not a create person would remain somewhat inactive relatively speaking.

When I heard that it confirmed my own personal theory that Jazz Musicians, and all creative people really are wired differently. I know a lot of great Musicians and 75% of them are married/partnered to Musicians or Actors. It's common ground and understanding.

That of course really applies to those who are on an elite level of their artform. Those who look at Music as a hobby don't have as strong a connection to it and thus I think are more able to slide into more mainstream relationship concepts and roles.

All I know is that if my Woman told me that I practiced too much that it would be a red flag that she doesn't understand me or what I am after with my life goals.

and so

best of luck.

[gingerjazz]

Funny you should mention that about music being a hobby Jake.Only recenntly i got very upset with my mother in law when she said to my wife it was good for me to have a hobby.I think that after thirtyeight years of constantly thinking of and studying music it might be something more than a hobby,its a part of who we are.They will never get it i suppose,oh well i feel sorry for them not having music in the way we do.Rant over,breathe Andy.

[Jake Hanlon]

this brings my point into light.

You cannot expect someone to understand it who is a civilian (what I call non-musicians) even if they think they understand the power of Music they cannot possibly understand it unless they experience on an equivalent level to your own perception of it.

It's impossible for your Mother-in-Law to see it as anything other then "something to do to pass the time". Which is somewhat unfortunate, meanwhile who cares what 'in-laws' think am I right? (just kidding).

[gingerjazz]

Right on Jake,in laws should be seen and not heard.

[Dad3353]

Originally Posted by gingerjazz

...in laws should be seen and not heard.

Why..?

[max chill]

Well, unless you find yourself with a partner that is also an artist, it's unfair to think that anyone else can really understand how compelling the drive to be creative can be, whether you're able to make some coin from it or not. Sometimes it's hard not to feel a little selfish, but it's not like we really have much choice, if we're called by the art. It chooses us.

[CGKnight]

Originally Posted by jazzbow

So now she plays clarinet and we play her favourite standards which helps me jazz up pop tunes and I'm trying to teach her to solo! Oh and her brother took up sax and my son plays bass and we have a right royal time.

Sounds like THE life. Envious.

[paynow]

Originally Posted by Jake Hanlon

As someone that makes all of his income through the performance and teaching of Music any partner of mine has to realize that Music is and has been a huge part of my life.

I remember having a conversation with my older Brother, also a professional Musician where we seemed to be of a common mindset that those who are fully engraned in the society and culture of being a Musician that more often then not to have healthy relationships your partner will end up being an artistically minded person be that a Musician, Dancer, Actor, Writer.

This is a good point and the direction I tend to lean in, however, I've seen it go wrong; the actors where one career takes off and the other doesn't, musician pairs who criticize each others playing and career choices, and the fact that many people in the arts are nuts and repel like the two similar poles of a magnet. Maybe artistically minded without actually being an artist themselves is a better combination.

No one here is nuts by the way; you are all normal and sane so take no offense.

[pingu]

Music is a description/celebration/reflection (insert your own word here)
of the emotional Life

To be a great musician you must be fully engaged in Life and Love or your music won't be saying anything ..........

We are not robots ........ so do both man

[Kman]

my girlfriend always needs to be cared from me. she is not into music. i love being with her. but i can't stand spending too much time. for her, musical training seems to be just a hobby or wasting time.

I wake up early in the morning and play while my wife sleeps. That's about the only time I can play, especially with kids. I only get about five hours sleep just so I can play guitar. Otherwise there is no time.

[Spirit59]

Originally Posted by paynow

No one here is nuts by the way; you are all normal and sane so take no offense.

dunno....sometimes I think I'm as crazy as a shithouse rat....

[Ivan]

Originally Posted by pingu

Music is a description/celebration/reflection (insert your own word here)
of the emotional Life

To be a great musician you must be fully engaged in Life and Love or your music won't be saying anything ..........

We are not robots ........ so do both man

music (and life itself) without love is such a boring thing, imo

[hot ford coupe]

Originally Posted by ingreen

Nothing else has ever given me the kind of pleasure I get from playing. And that being the case, why would anyone who claims to love me insist on my giving it up? Doesn't sound like love to me.

Exactly. It's not love, it's called control. Unless you're doing something sociopathic, a significant other takes the whole package and loves, not controls. Good for you and your still playing friends.

[cosmic gumbo]

Unfortunately, boys grow up to be men, and women become more important than anything, if your father did his job right.

[lkmuller]

In 50 years your guitar will be a collectable. Your girlfriend, well......